Neon Lights

Neon Lights

Saturday, March 1, 2014

No Value

Life is hard and nothing lasts forever. I want to die so much. But so many people are suffering more than I do, are in situations that are worse than me but they are able to live life and always hope for the best and live the best that they can no matter what. Why do I feel worse than the children that are from Africa that are suffering from civil wars that are not even their business but they have to suffer the consequences of other people's decision and stupidity? I am not trying my best to live - I claim i did. But looking back all I did was complaint and grumble. I can be better than I am now if I learn how to sacrifice certain things, be disciplined and to let go. Finally, learn also how to let go. Your life may be sweet as others but it also may be as bitter as others too. They have better endurance and mental strength. I who lived in a box for twenty years flooded with curiosity and fighting with my own inner devil that was there. Everyone is living in the same hell, its just that all of us are fighting different devils. I think I kinda just gave up on certain things and its hard to let go. Hitting rock bottom wasn't the best thing in life. Having a terrible attitude doesn't help either. Its like your heart trying to pick itself up and glue it back together but before you could do so, somebody just decided to crush it again - this time in to smaller pieces and harder to pick up and harder to glue - this repeats until it actually becomes dust. Following the direction of the wind if it is blown, flowing down with clear waters if it is thrown inside the water or it decides to dirty the ground and get swept away. I am a mess right now - in the inside. I don't care much about the world because it is already so corrupted and sick. But for me to be corrupted and sick inside. I will be in daze and in my own paranoid scary world not matter how peaceful and beautiful the outside is. Just like staring at a blank wall for hours fighting with the devil that has grown so big that you can chase it out of you. It will make you forget reality, doubt people, the worse is always gonna happen, nothing will ever change, you will always fail, you are a waste, nonsense, impossible, useless and disgusting.
You are fighting your own battle, being fearful to the things or problem that is not even there in the first place. Live will get better or life will get worse, nobody knows or maybe even before things get better or worse, your life probably has ended with nothing - like dust. 

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